I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Randomize
