Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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