You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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