haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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