I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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