I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
