So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
