Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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