I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
