I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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