I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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