i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
