after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
