apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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