so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
