I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
