Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
