yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Small penises have feelings too.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
