I'm gonna have a badass scar
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
