The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
