Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
