Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
