I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
