every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
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