she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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