I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
