did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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