These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
