At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
