our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Randomize
