it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
