my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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