CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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