So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Drunk walkin through police station. America
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
