yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
