I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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