I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
