used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
