it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
