Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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