I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I will be naked everywhere
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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