my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
