May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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