he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
