I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
