I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
