i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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