After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
