C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
