Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Farmville is her only friend.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
