Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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