NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
