Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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