i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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