My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
