But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
