wat bout pragnant strippers??
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
