Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
