Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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