Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
